Valentines Day - A guy's perspective

This can be such a terrifying time for people, in fact it's one of those days where you are EXPECTED to love your partner/spouse/friend's girlfriend (if you have that much game!) but we all get so tangled up in how we are meant to do this that we bask in our own disappointment.

There are 5 types of guys in this scenario:

1. The Nerd: 

The Nerd is the dude who only imagines to be with the girl he has a crush on but really doesn't know how to express himself in a way that will get her affection; instead all he gets is her mockery and abuse. In general the nerd isn't that good with girls but he just keeps trying to find a way. Maybe he does find a way, maybe he doesn't, but all we know is that right now he isn't doing well and doesn't realise that by relaxing and taking things step by step he'll do better.

2. The Introverted Dude:

The Introverted Dude is the one that gets so nervous when it comes to girls, or people in general, that he just doesn't know what to do with himself; and it's because of his introversion and his massive anxieties that makes him really sad when it comes to girls. It gets to the point where he begins to label girls in general as angry unthoughtful people because of his unsuccessful attempts at his "music video" approaches. The only way this person is able to change his perception is if he gains confidence, and explores for himself.

3. The Selector:

The Selector is a special kinda dude. The Selector is the guy that has the SKILLS embedded to talk to girls in general, but he looks for much more in the girls he speaks to - which means he converses with those that have quality to him. He is just a confident person in life, and it shows whenever he talks to someone - girl or not. Although to society this dude would be looked down upon because of the "any hole is the goal" mentality that MANY GUYS PICK UP!! So if he's able to go through the shit he gets and come out with a beautiful woman - inside and out - props to him. 

4. The Player:

The Player doesn't care about having something established in the relationship, he's the guy that counts his social status - when it comes to girls and that - on his fingers and brags about it. This dude isn't of much quality and will only seem like he is romantic - when it's all an act...and believe me guys can be good actors when it comes to opening up girls.

5. The Low-Confident Un-achiever:

Much like the introverted dude, except this guy has something established - only problem is this dude doesn't believe he is good enough for anyone. He would be too scared to turn up for the date, he would be worrying all the time if he was doing the right things or saying the right stuff that this would just cripple him with nerves and he wouldn't do well at all. 

I like to think I'm number 3, or as close to number 3 as possible. In my opinion number 3 is the one to aim for, it means you have total flexibility in your choices but you will also be decisive and not "play" anyone, they'll just stick to the one. 

I've been through the "any hole is the goal" thing. Fuck, I gave up helping those guys - that mocked me for this- with their relationships when their's were in turmoil...in a way it works like karma, but we even get karma mixed up with natural revenge. Karma means action, it doesn't express a natural revenge for someone. I have a few of those guys in my life and every time the topic of girls comes up, or rather talking about someone's relationship, it's the same f*****g people that mock. I love those dudes but natural revenge will come round and fuck them in the ass!!

To me I love building a connection with PEOPLE; actually wanting to know who they are, what their interests are, and even how they value life - that is how I choose my girls. I learnt something from reading a book - that I still haven't finished - from the (14th) Dalai Lama about human interactions...that's compassion. To sum up in as little as possible while keeping the same intensity of the message, he says that if you open yourself up to loving the other person with genuine compassion then you are doing yourself a great favour. This is because you would hold no grudges against the other person and so you are treating them with open respect and then prejudice/stereotyping goes out the window. True that! 

This is what I do with all my interactions, I try to keep a level head and genuinely converse with them - subliminally making them feel comfortable. Surely you know that when someone is comfortable they are more open and happier right?? But compassion is mainly the act of trying to alleviate their suffering, whether that's emotional or physical...but this can transcend into a more general outlook of treating everyone as equals and giving the same amount of love.

But back to the topic in hand, Valentines Day.

I'm genuinely quite frustrated by Valentines Day. I don't understand why it has to be one day that you show your girlfriend love and affection and laughter...it all seems too much of a build up and it literally drives people crazy.

But here's my problem, I haven't found that one girl that I'd like to spend Valentines Day with! 

I'll elaborate on a few people that I COULD spend that day with, but you'll see my reasoning for not.

A: A is attractive, very attractive, but it's not natural beauty - wears too much make up, this shows to me that she isn't comfortable and validated with her looks and has to try better herself. Even that in itself can say so much about someone to the point where it's a turn off...but I'm not finished yet. A also copy'n'pastes lyrics to her Facebook about love and romance to the point where she is never satisfied with anything, seems like a dream/fantasy she is after. Lastly, she is indecisive with her interactions. Lemme explain shortly. 1 week she's single, next she's with her ex boyfriend, month later breaks up, few weeks later is back with some other ex. 

If I was to go off looks alone then I'd be "accepted" if I was seen with her, but these subtleties are putting me the fuck off!

B: B is a dancer, I love dancers! Looks are appropriate, she seems comfortable with herself, always in a good mood and is a lot of fun to be around. Problem? Friend zone! I couldn't see us dating. We joke too much about raunchy shit.

C: C is somewhat different from the others. Looks isn't the reason why I'm talking to her, she is actually someone I'm genuinely interested in. Could I see us dating? Yes I could. She has quite a few interesting qualities, those are the ones that I got hooked on. I think it's the transitional process of being what we are now to dating is something that I can't envision, sure I can see us dating and that but I can't see how it could happen.

But one thing I will never do is date two people at the same time. Sure I've gotten to know two girls at the same time but we were not dating, rather I wasn't dating any of the girls. 

That actually brings me to a movie that I saw a lil while back: VALENTINES DAY.

The movie was about the lives of about 10 different people and their relationships around Valentines Day. There are two different scenarios that I want to point out to you.

Ashton Kutcher's relationship with Jessica Alba: Midway through the film she left Ashton, and he was totally devastated by this, but he found out that everyone else knew the relationship was going to end sooner or later!! This brings me to the halo effect - where you believe someone is nicer/better than they really are. You're just caught up on what is actually happening that you forget about your morals or what you look for in those girls that you do the stupidest of stuff that you seriously regret later. This is a reason why I will never date anyone for looks, or date anyone that has a shitty personality.

And then there's Patrick Dempsey's life: He was seeing two girls at the same time, and they both didn't know the other girl existed in his life. One thing about Ashton Kutcher is that he works in a florists, that do a special Valentines Day delivery service. Well Patrick walked in and asked for the delivery service to TWO DIFFERENT ADDRESSES!! Immediately clicking that he was seeing two different people Ashton is reluctant to proceed with the deliveries. This is why I would never cheat on anyone, and try have my way with 2 different people - ain't loyal man.

Oh, I went to see that film with my dude Nezar Swessi...bromance at it's max! ;)

Anyway, the point is I don't believe in getting yourself hyped up for a day you're meant to love the most, care the most...you should be doing it everyday I don't see why it should be reinforced by a time like Valentines Day. If it means that you have to put out that extra bit more at that time, then something is wrong with your relationship.

I won't go out for Valentines Day with a girl that I absolutely think goes against my morals and ethics, to get that "WOW SHE'S FIIIIIIT!!!" reaction from my friends. If it takes me longer to find that great girl then let it take that time! But I'll keep doing what I'm doing and I'm sure I'll be rewarded.

*Signing Out*